‘Guess what kind of doggie I am,’ yapped the smaller child, before lying down on the floor and throwing some kind of fit. ‘A rabid one?’ I ventured, as she tried to bite my feet. It wasn’t the right answer. She was actually being a Chihuahua. One without a sense of humour, apparently. Poor child. […]
Old wives’ tales
Well, it’s cold and flu’ season again. That time of year when Old Wives’ Tales get hauled out of storage and tossed into almost every conversation: got the sniffles? Well, you need to eat a kilo of raw garlic / soak your feet in a mustard bath / rub a banana skin on your head […]
’Tis the season to be greedy
Is anyone else out there feeling a little … I don’t know … besieged … by the seasonal messages to buy everything in sight? No sooner was Halloween over, than I started being propositioned by my inbox every time I opened my computer. “Holiday deals,” it would purr, sidling up to me like a dodgy […]
Robots, kids and complexes
Sunday was a big day for my family: for on Sunday, a perfect little miracle was delivered to us. And no, that does not refer to another baby, for those of you who haven’t read my previous 39 columns and who have no idea how much I could not cope with more children. No. The […]
Past it parents: Best before 2014
When did I realise I was obsolete? Thank you for asking. It was last week, when the five-year-old pushed my helping hand away from the touchscreen and said, with some impatience, “It’s fine, Mom, I can do it. You take too long.” These are the exact words I remember my brother and I using back […]
Destroy mode!
“Nothing,” said my younger daughter when I walked past her last week, and my blood froze in my veins. As any parent knows, a child’s protest of innocence usually means that they have done something naughty. And if that protest comes before they’ve even been accused of anything, then they’ve done something really naughty. Luckily […]
Champagne, art gallery and fantasising
Last week I spent a happy hour or so strolling around the Montreux Art Gallery, fantasising about what it would be like to a) have enough money to buy whatever I liked and b) have a big enough house to hang it all in. On my second lap of the place, and a few complimentary […]
Semi-detached parenting
I’m all for attachment parenting, I really am. When the children were babies, I demand-fed them (and myself, if I’m honest); my husband and I carried them around in our arms, in slings and in baby backpacks; we co-slept and I loved it. There was nothing sweeter for me than waking in the night to […]
Suburban horror story
There is a house in Switzerland that’s haunted, people say. Strange sounds are often heard by night and something wails all day. The neighbours were so frightened that word soon got around. Ghost hunters came to have a look, and this is what they found: A zombie woman staggered past them, hollow-eyed and […]
D. I. Y. Why can’t I?
I come from a long line of handymen and handywomen, and so does my husband. There is absolutely nothing these people can’t do: they bake, garden and make jam; they build bookshelves, dig French drains and put in their own swimming pools; they sew, embroider, knit, make jewellery, do their own tiling and house painting […]