There is a house in Switzerland that’s haunted, people say.
Strange sounds are often heard by night and something wails all day.
The neighbours were so frightened that word soon got around.
Ghost hunters came to have a look, and this is what they found:
A zombie woman staggered past them, hollow-eyed and pale.
When they asked her how she got that way, she told a ghastly tale:
‘I am so tired,’ the poor thing said. ‘I have not slept a wink.
More brains! More brains! I have to work! But I can hardly think!’
‘Last night there was a poltergeist that came into my bed.
It smacked me with a dinosaur, and kicked me in the head.’
‘That was no restless spirit,’ said her daughter Number Two.
‘I had a bad dream in the night, and so I came to you.’
‘I dreamed I woke at half past ten, to the most awful moaning.
A ghost came clomping up the stairs, gnashing teeth and groaning.’
‘That was no ghost in pain!’ cried Dad. ‘It was only me,
Returning from my rugby game, where I think I broke my knee.’
‘But when I reached the landing, I got an awful fright.
A little vampire waited there – with wild eyes and crazy hair! –
A creature of the night!
‘I will drain you!’ said the ghoul, ‘and do your savings in!
I’m planning to ride ponies and take up the violin.’
‘That was no vampire,’ Mother said. ‘That was daughter Number One.
The musical equestrian, who stays up all night long.’
Well, after observation, the ghost hunters declared,
‘There is much to be afraid of here, and we were often very scared!
But there is nothing supernatural, and nothing very gory.
This is a very normal case of a Suburban Horror Story.