Blokes and Black Dogs: It’s OK to talk

By Carl Wahlers

Depression, suicide and loneliness are key factors among men over 40 years old, particularly expatriate and retirement age professionals living in countries such as Switzerland. It is often difficult to develop social ties with local communities or to find purpose leaving afflicted individuals high and dry, reluctant or unable to seek help. Three times as many men commit suicide in Switzerland than women. British former Nestlé employee Carl Wahlers, who first arrived in the Lake Geneva region in 2002, is founder of “Blokes and Black Dogs”, a support group for breaking the stigma surrounding men’s mental health.

Expat life has a romantic notion of a luxurious and wealthy lifestyle, and in Switzerland the slopes and the lakes help underpin this. Banking, big pharma, multinational and corporate global headquarters, United Nations and other international organizations are the employers that can provide the golden cages which attract so many people from the United Kingdom, North America and elsewhere to this exceptional region boasting one of the highest standards of living in the world.

Unsurprisingly, there is a less enticing side.

Despite the apparent attractions of such professional roles with high quality existences, international schools, and exceptional outdoor recreational activities, there can come not so pleasant side effects, notably soaring expectations, high pressure, life disruption that comes with moving a family, isolation and loneliness, losing sight of purpose, manufactured sterile communities, and the lack of that holy grail of work/life balance.

Depression, anxiety, substance abuse – and suicide

Then there is the fear of redundancy in an uncertain global and geo-political environment. Or imposter syndrome. All these factors can take their toll in the form of burnout, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and, sadly, suicide. Regretfully, I have seen up close these phenomena. Nor have they been isolated incidents.

Made redundant in 2017 as part of the first clutch of a rationalization exercise, I saw many people, in particular men, losing their perceived identity. They were struggling. It was bloody tough. All the phenomena noted above manifested themselves, sooner or later. I felt I had to do something to help.

Given my own experiences with poor mental health, I had read about and been inspired by Andy’s Man Club in the UK, a men’s suicide prevention charity, offering free-to-attend peer-to-peer support groups across the United Kingdom and online. Such groups wish to end the stigma surrounding men’s mental health and to help men through the power of conversation.

Why not set up something similar? I had some time and a few quid in the bank, coupled with a desire to move the needle. Blokes and Black Dogs became a reality. The term ‘Black Dog’ comes from Winston Churchill’s description for the prolonged fits of depression from which he suffered. The first meeting took place on 26^th April 2018, at the Impact Hub in Lausanne, a workspace and innovation centre supporting entrepreneurs and change-makers seeking to create a positive impact.

Community, Connection and Conversation: The Three C’s for Talking

The aim was simple. Create a talking group, a place for men to come together in a safe environment to talk about issues and problems they have faced, or are currently facing. Everything is confidentiality guaranteed, with judgement suspended. In other words, it offers a Community for men, supporting the establishment of Connection through the power of authentic, honest Conversations.

It is critical that we use these opportunities to begin to normalize talking about our mental health. This means being open about how we feel and not hiding behind the masks that society has imposed on us.

As men, we are conditioned to hide our emotions. This has dogged us for millennia. We are expected by the world at large to stay strong, stoic, and silent. We don’t want to be seen as a burden to our loved ones. This, in turn, creates internal pressures, leading to mental health problems as we suppress who we really are and how we feel. The question: ‘How are you?’ is far too often met with the automated response: ‘Fine thanks’. None the wiser….

We need to dig into how our mates really are. Why? An estimated 75 per cent of suicides are men. Suicide is also the biggest killer of men under the age of 50, more so than cancer, heart disease, and road traffic accidents. In Switzerland, one man dies by suicide every twelve hours. (See November 2024 report by the Swiss National Science Foundation) These are very scary statistics! Furthermore, one in two of us will suffer from diagnosable mental health issues in our lifetime. To be honest, as men tend to edge away from discussing with doctors how they really feel, I would guess that this is under reported.

Another increasingly difficult problem is what to do after retirement, given that so many men tend to embed their life roles in their professions and then find themselves without purpose once they stop clocking in. The important thing is to remain engaged and to explore new horizons, meet new people, and find new meaning for their lives. (See list of activity organizations below).

Through Blokes and Black Dogs, I believe that we are making a difference, however small. All it takes is just one man. If one guy feels that the peer-to-peer support given makes a positive difference in his life, then it is mission accomplished. It will be one step closer to normalizing the narrative around mental health and breaking the stigma.

Currently, our group meets once a week in Vevey on Monday nights. We walk for a while by the lake, and in the summer we go for a swim. In themselves, these are tools that are good for our minds, but we combine that with honest conversations, enabling one to reach another level. Trust grows and develops; judgement is non-existent in this environment. If the weather restricts us, virtual meetings allow us to continue to talk and check in on each other. Virtual meetings sustained us throughout Covid. We genuinely perceived them as a weekly highlight in those mad times.

Tel. 143 – Swiss Help Line German, French, Italian and English

Making a difference: Talking, trusting and honesty

Looking back, I firmly believe that we are making a difference. Men are talking and trusting, displaying honesty and authenticity about their lives and feelings when society has historically actively discouraged such behaviour considered unbecoming to men. The change in perception is a slow process, however, so it is critical to keep going. But we are breaking through. More groups are being planned around Switzerland beginning with Zurich in January, 2025. Now that is a commitment!

More and more, we see organizations popping up, offering support and encouragement. During Movember, along with my friend Martin Coul, an inspirational guy, we have been touring Switzerland to create awareness through a series of ‘Fireside Chats’ and raising money for the charity. (The last one was scheduled for 27 November in Geneva). Eyes are being opened.

The next event planned to create awareness is a ‘Walk for a Bloke’. (Please see registration LINK) This entails a 25km hike around Zürich, one of 19 such events around the world with the goal of raising awareness and funds for Spoke to a Bloke, a suicide prevention charity established in Australia. Some of the money raised will be directed towards Mental Health First Aid training in Switzerland, as well as global digital resources.

The final words from me are in fact from one of the longest standing attendees at our group, and the impact on him personally:

“I am not alone…others are there to listen and to share – and above all, to offer unquestioning support to help me reflect…”

Carl Wahlers, who is originally from Croydon, is a former rugby player and now coach. He previously worked for Nestlé until, as he puts it, he “broke free.” Wahlers now works in the world of cancer treatments. You can contact Carl on LINKEDIN.

Suggested Meeting and Activity Groups (Lake Geneva Region and Switzerland)

1. MeetUp: A community for expats and locals – everything from food to running groups. LINK
2. Glocals: Another expat and local community group. LINK
3. Expat.com: Hiking, book groups, food…LINK
4. Internations: Various activities from rock climbing to writers’ groups. LINK
5. HSBC Expat: Great expat information on anything from activities and meetups to banking, schools… LINK
6. International Club of Lausanne: (Lake Geneva area) LINK
7. Expat Exchange: LINK
8. Volunteer Programmes in Switzerland LINK
9. Volunteering for forest programmes/NetAp LINK
10. Non-profit farm sanctuary in the Valais Alps LINK
11. WorkAway LINK
12. ProNatura wildlife and outdoor activities LINK
13. Know-it-all. What to do in Switzerland. LINK
14. La Cote Anglican Church, Lake Geneva/Nyon and neighbouring France. Religious and Community Activities, including Blokes’ Dinner once a month. (Interesting discussions on all subjects) LINK

Swiss News sources

1. Le News LINK: Swiss news
2. World Radio Switzerland (WRS) LINK Swiss and community news
3. Global Geneva Magazine LINK International Geneva issues and community
4. SwissInfo: Swiss news in English and other languages. LINK

This article was first published on Global Geneva.

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